Truth My Kids Will Know - Your Role In Your Friendships

I'm Assuming You're Aware of Truth #4 

If you have not read through it yet, read Truth #4 before you move on to this one. 

Let me restate this concept: You must choose the right friends!

This post is all about focusing on your responsibilities toward your friends. If you haven't already been intentional and picked the right kind of friends, then you'll find these responsibilities will keep dragging you down. You'll find yourself always fighting to defend your friends from stupid choices that they keep making. And you'll end up constantly making excuses on behalf of someone who does inexcusable things.

An example of this can be found in Joshua chapters 9 and 10. There you see the people of Israel make a friendship with the city of Gibeon...people that shouldn't have been their friends. They didn't consult with God first, but rather joined up with the people of Gibeon based on their "gut feelings". 

That was in chapter 9. Then comes chapter 10, where the Israelites were forced into a battle that wasn't theirs, because their friends were (rightfully) attacked by other cities. How many times has this happened to you? Have you ever "had to" defend someone, just because they were friends with you?

So one more time, before we move into discussing what YOU should be doing for your friends, let me remind you: You need to pick the right friends first!

Lie #5 - "They're My Friend As Long As They Focus On Me"

This lie isn't said very often, because it sounds way too selfish. But this kind of self-centered attitude is at the heart of many friendships. It's as if everybody thinks, "A real friend should be selfless, therefore my friends should give me what I need." Way too often, people will be quick to ask "what are my friends doing for me?" - and never even think "what can I do for them?" 

Have you ever stopped to consider the irony of someone pointing a finger at another person and saying "You should be selfless and think about me more!" 

The truth is, a genuine friendship is composed of two people looking out for each other's interests. This is exactly what Philippians 2:4 says - "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

When you're a part of a genuine friendship, you should want to do your part to bless, help, defend, and strengthen the other side of that team. Working together in a two-sided relationship means you're stronger than you would otherwise be. When only one side is doing all the heavy lifting, the friendship is destined to collapse.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 - "Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a three-fold cord is not soon broken." 

BE A Friend To Your Friends

That is the kind of friendships I want to be a part of, how about you? To get to this point, here's a short list of what both sides should be doing in a friendship. If you decide to call someone a "friend", then know that this is what you're getting into:

1 - Give What You Can When They're In Need

Obviously we each have our own individual responsibilities. You have your own family to take care of and your own bills to pay. Your generosity toward others should never come before your duty toward your family, or before your obligations to pay bills. Righteous people pay what they owe. You cannot rightfully take money that's owed and give it away as a gift.

Along those same lines, no one should shirk their own responsibilities and expect their friends to catch them when they fall. That is selfishness....go back to the top and start this article over.

But assuming there are two responsible grown-ups, and one of them stumbles into a rough time: What is the responsibility of  their friend? If they have more than they need, and their friend has less than they need...what else would a selfless person do but give?

2 - Correct Them When They're Wrong

If someone saw a piece of food in their friend's teeth - what would they do? If they're a genuine friend, they would obviously tell them! Why? Because they know it's less embarrassing to be corrected by a friend than to be mocked by someone else.

In the same way, love doesn't let someone live wrong and not say anything about it. It may hurt them at first, but it could save their life in the end. True friends appreciate the intent behind the correction, even if they don't like the pain of it at the time. It's like Proverbs 27:6 says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend..."

If you genuinely care for someone, then you'll want to protect them from the consequences of bad behavior and wrong decisions. 

3 - Help Them When They Fall

We all crash in life. We all fail and fall apart at times. When that happens to one of your friends, follow this advice from Romans 12:15b - "...weep with those who weep." You don't need to know what to say when you're with them...because it's not about you looking good. According to God's Word, all you need to do when a friend fails is just be there and cry with them. 

Whatever you do, you don't want to be like this friend in Psalm 38:11 (NIrV) - "My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds. My neighbors stay far away from me."

If life knocks your friend down, then get down there with them! You shouldn't be worried about the inconvenience at that point. Make sure they're OK, and then help them back up. Ecclesiastes 4:10 should show the heart of a friend: "For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up."

4 - Rejoice With Them When They Succeed

I remain convinced that this is one of the most difficult tests of a friendship: How will you respond when everything goes right for your friend while going wrong for you?

What will you do when they get a promotion or a raise and you stay stuck in your same job?

What will you do when they find a great spouse and you remain single?

What will you do when they get recognized and you go ignored?

What if they move into the house of your dreams?

How will you react to a friend's success? Hopefully, you'll do what Romans 12:15a says and "rejoice with those who rejoice.” Whatever you do, don't let your genuine happiness for them be polluted by hints of envy.

If these sound like things you want to see in your friends, then keep in mind the words of Proverbs 18:24 (New Life Version) - "A man who has friends must be a friend..."

The world may think this way - "Friendships are about what my friends do for me"

But my kids will know the truth: "I have a part to play in my friendships."

(And let me tell you, those few, select people that my kids call "friends" will be blessed for it!)