Truth My Kids Will Know - Love Is Not Accidental Or Inevitable

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 Lie #7 - "We just fell in love!"

Have you ever heard someone say this before? I have....often.
Have you ever heard this as an excuse before? Usually it's said along these lines: "I couldn't help it, we just fell in love!"
It's as if this overpowering feeling of "love" can somehow explain away the worst decisions that a person could make.

How many terrible choices have been made this way? How many futures have ruined when guys convince young ladies that they "fell in love"? How many marriages have been destroyed when a husband "falls for" another woman? How many kids have had their homes torn apart because of this one phrase?

Here's a secret...that is NOT love!

Love would never try to convince a girlfriend to satisfy a selfish desire. Love would stay committed to a family, not abandon them. Love would set an example of a godly marriage for future generations, not rip that foundation out from under them. 

Love Is A Choice

Ephesians 5:33 - "Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself..."

Believe it or not, love is not some powerful feeling or overwhelming urge to be with someone. We've all felt that way; but for many people, those feelings have actually led to some unloving actions. Are those feelings wrong or right? Neither...they're just feelings! It's only what you do with them that make them good or bad. Like any other feeling we have, those attractions must be governed.

When I first saw my wife, there was an instant, powerful attraction. She was stunning - jaw-dropping gorgeous! I wanted to be with her! I wanted her to be interested in me! I wanted to look at that face forever! But you know what? That wasn't love. That was an attraction to her obvious beauty.

But I do remember the point that attraction started turning into love: It happened after one of our many phone conversations with each other - before we even saw each other face-to-face. I remember putting down my phone for the night and saying, "God, I don't know how far she wants to go with this...but I'm with her as long as she'll have me. I will love her." 
That commitment, that decision, that act of will....that was the beginning of my love for that woman.

As charming as I was when we first met...and as completely understandable as Jenn's attraction to me was, those feelings toward me weren't really love. Let me tell you what genuine love is: when my unfaithful eyes broke her heart and she still turned toward me and forgave me. This wasn't an act of emotion on her part. It was a choice.

Let me repeat myself again: Love is NOT a spontaneous feeling, it's a decision.

Too Important To Let Your Feelings Decide

Not only is who you're going to love a decision...but for most of us, it is the decision.

This is the decision that will often determine where and how you will live. This is the decision that will decide who will parent your children. Your future employment, income, and hobbies could be changed depending on who you choose to love. In fact, this one choice will even affect things like what you drive, what you wear, and who your friends are!

Knowing the far-reaching consequences of who you choose - why on earth would you leave it up to a heat-of-the-moment feeling? You know your own emotions better than I do...do you find that they are reliable? Are you confident that what you feel about something today will be how you feel about it tomorrow? If you're like me, then your emotions come in and go out like waves.

Love should be permanent. This is exactly what 1 Corinthians 13:8 says, "Love never fails." Who you decide to love, and consequently marry, shouldn't be up for review year-by-year...it's a once-in-a-lifetime choice. Don't rest the weight of this decision on something as fleeting as what most people call "love."

(What’s most amazing about defining love in this way is that the feelings become MORE INTENSE. First, you share a deeper connection with your spouse that makes good times even better. And when you go through the inevitable bad times, you don’t abandon ship because of some negative feeling.)

Remember this: Good feelings don’t produce love, but a committed love will inevitably produce the BEST feelings!

When the world is trying to convince my kids to "fall in love, they will know the truth: Love is a choice - not an accident.

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