Truth My Kids Will Know - No One Made You Do That

 Lie #14 - "They made me do it."

Imagine this:

You're in your classroom. It's one of those days where it seems like everyone is talking and will not stop. Your teacher has given repeated warnings, but hasn't done anything to stop the chatter. You've been fairly quiet through most of it, and have tried to listen to what's being taught. But as the minutes tick by, and the teacher's frustration grows, it's clear that it's not going to be a productive hour.

Your friend turns and asks you a question in the middle of all this. Since there isn't going to be any teaching taking place, you figure it'd be ok to answer...but then your teacher instantly calls you out for talking during class. Even though everyone in the classroom was talking the whole time, she decided to  jump on you for breaking the rules and gives you detention.

Who's to blame for that?

Another scenario:

There's someone who won't stop mocking and ridiculing you. But unfortunately for you, this isn't someone that you can avoid - since you see each other every day. Everything you do, they laugh at. Everything you say, they imitate and insult. Everything you wear, they make fun of. It's been that way for way too long now; relentless and hurtful. 

There's never been any physical blows to defend against...which would honestly be easier to deal with. But every time you see them, every time you read a post from them, or any time you hear about them; it seems like they've focused all their words on you. It's as if they live to make you miserable!

And so, you've finally had enough of it. One more time you pass by them - and one more time they start to tear into you with insults and mockery. But this time ends differently: you snap and deal out physical damage in exchange for their insults. As a result, you get arrested and face serious charges for what you did.

Who's fault is it?

Most people on the outside of these situations would probably answer those questions correctly. But when something like this happens to you, it's hard to see clearly enough to know what's right. But you need to be crystal clear about this: Only you are responsible for your actions.

You see, asking whether that teacher was fair or not misses the point entirely. That's a question she will need to answer herself. The question you need to answer is this: Did you break the classroom rules or not? If you did, then you're responsible for the consequences.

As for the second scenario: Using violence to answer words is obviously not a good thing. When you're facing assault and battery charges, the judge isn't going to accept your defense when you say: "You should've heard what they were saying to me!"

So whose fault would it be that you went to jail for hitting that person?

Not the person who was picking on you...

Not the judge who didn't let you off the hook...

You did it, and you are going to see the consequence of it.

Bad Choices Always Bring Bad Consequences 

Proverbs 19:19 - "A man of great wrath will suffer punishment; for if you rescue him, you will have to do it again."

Oh how true those words are! You and I both have seen this over and over again. Any person who does not control his anger will eventually experience justified punishment. And the worst part is his reply when that punishment comes. Inevitably,  this "man of great wrath" always says the same thing, "It's not my fault! They made me do it!"

But it's not just anger that pushes us to forget the consequences of our behavior. There are a huge range of emotions that other people can stir up - emotions that can push us to act foolishly:

Sometimes it's fear.

Sometimes it's an attraction.

Sometimes it's greed.

Sometimes it's desperation.

But whatever the reasoning behind your choice is, two things are unavoidable:

1 - Bad choices always have bad consequences

2 - You cannot pass those consequences on to the person who "made you do it".

Even the most "justifiable" bad decisions will still lead to consequences. Look at this word of warning from Proverbs 6:30-31 (NIrV)

"People don't hate a thief who steals to fill his empty stomach. But when he is caught, he must pay seven times what he stole. It may even cost him everything he has."

Don't Give Anyone That Power

If you alone will bear the consequences of your actions, then why on earth would you want to give the power to decide those actions to someone else? (Especially if it's someone you don't even like!)

Think of it this way:

How many times have you been driving down the road, obeying the traffic laws and following the speed limit - and then someone flies up behind you? When you look in the mirror, it's obvious that he's in a hurry and not happy about being slowed sown. If you're like me, this is when you're tempted to do one of two things:

1 - speed up so you don't look like a "slow driver"

2 - slow down, let him pass you, and then ride on his tail to get even!

Notice, both of those options get you moving faster than you should be. But why should you do either of those? Why would you give that kind of power (over your actions) to someone you've never seen before, and will never see again? If you get pulled over for speeding, do you think he'll split your fine with you? Of course not...you will eat any negative consequences of speeding all by yourself.

There is safety that comes from good choices. In fact, Proverbs 25:28 compares that kind of self-controlled life to a wall of defense. Keeping control of your actions will protect you. Never allow someone to push you out of that safety. Never let yourself say "They made me do it!"

Right now, the world is looking for someone else to blame for the consequences of their bad behavior. But my kids will learn how to exercise self-control and live in a place of safety...immune to so many of the world's self-inflicted problems.