Truth My Kids Will Know - Disagreement ≠ Hatred

 Lie # 21 - "You can't say that they're wrong; that's hateful!"

Proverbs 25:26 - "A righteous man who falters before the wicked is like a murky spring and a polluted well."

 - "How dare you say that Islam is a false religion! What are you, Islamophobic? You need to respect what they believe!"

 - "How could you say that America isn't racist? How insensitive can you be! Don't you know that black Americans are still oppressed in our society? You must be racist too!"

 - "How can you deny that two men should have the right to get married? Shouldn't they be treated equally? What are you, homophobic?"

 - "You can't call that male person a "he" when they identify as a woman - that's misgendering! You're being hateful and transphobic if you don't agree with who they say they are!"

In today's culture, we've gone off the deep end when we speak of "love" and "hate". For some reason, we've bought into the lie that love means agreeing with everything a person does and believes. On the flip-side, we're being told that disagreeing with their behaviors or beliefs is hateful. Disagreeing with them would be the same as rejecting them as a person. Our culture has branded people as hateful and phobic - just because they don't agree with an idea or the behavior of someone else.

I find it ironic that this kind of sensitivity and offense only applies one way. No one actually stops to think about the major flaw behind the "disagreement = hatred" argument.

 - If you think I'm being "hateful" by disagreeing with someone...then aren't you disagreeing with me? Wouldn't that disagreement be just as hateful?

 - If it's hatred to disagree with someone who has "non-traditional" values...then shouldn't it also be hatred to disagree with someone with "traditional" values?

Is the goal really to have an enormous mass of people with no differences of opinion - who all say the same things, believe the same things, and act the same way?

Because if that's your goal, then you're going to need a whole lot less people.

We're Allowed To Disagree!

I've always said this: If you disagree with me about something, bring it on! Please, tell me what you disagree with. Give me the reasons why you disagree with me about it. Explain what your opinion is on the matter. Not only can we talk freely and politely about it - that's what I want to do!

I want to walk away with a good understanding of what you believe!

    Maybe you can change my mind

    Maybe I can change yours

    Or, more likely, we'll just go our separate ways still disagreeing with each other.

But whatever happens, I'll do my best to make it a good conversation.

Why do I want to have disagreements with you? Simply put:

 - If I can't explain my ideas coherently...

 - If I can't defend my opinions logically...

 - And if I can't handle it when my belief is challenged...

...then why on earth would I have those beliefs in the first place?

This is why disagreement is necessary in a polite society. Vocalized disagreement (i.e. argument) is what makes the best ideas rise to the top. It's also the spotlight that makes the worst ideas quickly disappear. Disagreement with another point of view is how a person can refine and adjust what they believe. It helps us crystalize our beliefs for ourselves and organize them so we can better explain them to others.

These are all benefits of argument...and we're robbing ourselves of this when we try to eliminate all forms of disagreement. 

Now: let me tell you what shouldn't happen between two people who disagree on a subject. Although I believe the ideas should be open for any kind of criticism and ridicule...the people involved usually should not be. Keep in mind that in a debate, the first side that starts name-calling ("Racist!" "Homophobe!" "Religious nut!") is usually the one that has run out of logical arguments to support their ideas. 

Up until that point, the disagreement itself is not hatred!  Both sides have just as much right to vocalize their opinion. And in that argument - that vocalizing of opinions - one side will prove to be stronger and more logical, and the other one will be shown as weaker.

But is this what's happening now? Unfortunately, it's not. Right now we're seeing one side accusing the other side of being hateful and then shutting them down. In the nation that was once the home of free speech, we're being told that there are some things that cannot be said. And even worse than that; we're also being told that there are some opinions that just cannot be held.

(Food for thought: If a disagreement always proves which argument is stronger and correct, and which side is weaker and wrong...then which of the two sides has to shut down the disagreement itself?)

When Love Disagrees...Hate Says Nothing

Hebrews 12:6 - "The Lord corrects the people He loves..."

Have you ever disagreed with your child? Have they ever had an opinion that you knew would end up hurting them? If you're like any normal parent, I'd bet you've had some very vocal disagreements with your kids.

I remember when my two-year-old son had the opinion that our neighbors cows were something to be played with. After he crawled under the electric fence and walked toward these 800-pound steers, my wife had to run after him and then convince him that his opinion was incorrect.

Was her disagreement love or hate? Of course it was done out of love!

Parents around the world have these kinds of disagreements all the time. All too often, teenagers and young adults have bad ideas. And their parents (through years of experience) know that those ideas are not only wrong, but may even end up damaging their kids in the end. In that situation...what would they do if they loved their child? What would they do if they hated them?

Love would argue with the bad idea...hate would just go along with it.

Proverbs 27:6 - "Faithful are the wounds of a friend..." There are a lot of times when love doesn't feel good. But if I believe something you're doing is going to hurt you, shouldn't I say something about it?

 - If I believe that homosexuality is a sin (like all sins) that will damage your life now, and then take you to Hell after you die...what kind of person would I be to just go along with it?

 - If I believe that racism in any direction will end up poisoning a person's life, then wouldn't I have to speak out against judging any person based on the color of their skin?

 - If I believe that thinking of yourself as a victim will keep you from achieving anything anything in life, then what would it say about me if I just played along with your perpetual pity party?

But alas...Our culture has deemed certain arguments hateful, and have tried to rob us of our ability to speak out in love. 

In a world that has attached someone's identity to their behavior, my kids will know the truth: Disagreeing with their ideas or behavior is not the same as hating them as a person. 

(Sadly...I am also aware that my kids will pay a price for their peers' ignorance of this truth.)